Entertainment by Cynipoeti 2020
Dancers echoed their movements onto the pavement
Footprints she didn’t dare make
Because the music played for them
An opposition of the silencing horror on her lap
Shapes walked upright mocking her circle
And she was left running on bloody feet towards nothing
Underneath the kisses of last choice, the tattoo burned into her fantasy skin
The line of standards was long, marking her absence in a jarring red
Sleepless under the moon with a fork in her throat
The ceiling paved white nothingness with no animated out
Into the witching hour of emptiness
Her hands have nothing in the chubby unwanted palms
The death lingers in the past and threatens her future on ropes
Dangling like puppets of warning
No tourniquets only dripping premonitions
Crawling on dirt to no sound
Musical backdrops are for them
The bones , the pretty, the approved of
Dirt tasted like failure and nothing in her unwanted mouth
Alone in silence she fell
Rolled into a muddy bedding of rejection

Copyright 2020 cyni poeti
#cynipoeti #poetry #poems #depression #poets

Moonlight Shake by Cyni Poeti 2020.

Her existence had thus far been a lifetime of chasing stars with razor edges

As she hung from the moon her blood fell to the ground in heart shaped droplets

And she knew the silence was marinating her

Manipulating her future

As her heart hung low along the landscape of no

The movie screen of what everyone had

And what she was missing

Larger than the self- inflicted fanciful lies she lived by

Depressive inner dialogue the only communication she had

Was her mirror

A water reflection of promise turned to broken glass

Spiderweb cracks under the illumination of an uncertain night

Fantasy horror of future never arriving

Sleeping on the droplets of suicidal dreams

#poems #poetry #writing #depression #pressure #poets 

 It would be wonderful if we had all evolved and learned our lessons over time. We like to think we have, but I know we haven't. We as a people have so much left to learn.

 I get aggravated with some popular health gurus. Not because I am jealous they are "skinny" or feel rebellious. Because so much misinformation that is out there gets stated as fact. That I believe a million dollar enterprise is NOT going to tell you the truth if it costs them advertising dollars etc. If you are going to talk about thermodynamics, actually understand it. If you are going to make memes about PCOS have ALL the correct information or you aren't helping anyone.Unfortunately there is no 100% truth we are all digging... but at least make the effort.

 Some days I think I could get sassy and just bury these blogs and posts with the truth via links to back up my "information" that I have acquired over the years. The main problem is that there is very little actual "knowledge" out there, it is generally an opinion stated as fact, a sentence laced into the popular belief system. So regardless of what I can post when I do wholeheartedly disagree, there is not much to state as fact. For or against it is all opinions or quoted fixed "findings" that were bought off by some company to help their bottom line.

  We are spoon fed misinformation all the time. And it hasn't changed. Some people post retro memes of old ads and the "funny" and "crazy" claims that were once made. Cigarettes were good to "keep your weight down", that is until cancer reared it's ugly head. What if that connection was never made?! Would people still be very popular because it was considered a pleasurable cool way to keep those “ Nasty fat rolls” away… ???

 The stereotyped behavior of some “obesity” ( I kinda hate that word…)  Is SYMPTOMS of a disease not CAUSES / or chosen behavior. Lustig explains it all… Metabolic syndrome / Insulin resistance…so when people make fun of "fat people" they are making fun of sick people.The same people would never be so cruel as to make fun of other sick people with challenges or diseases but somehow metabolic syndrome etc is "funny" and assumed a "choice". 

 We run on what we think we learned and know. And my Father will go down saying “ It was all lies, they have been lying to us all these years”. I agree , what we thought we knew.. life easily turns into " "If I only knew then what I know now…."

People still argue about whether eggs are good for you or not…yet strangers think they can come up to me and tell me how to lose weight out of the blue without even knowing my name. What if their diet ideas would kill me? Who are these people to think they are doctors?! or patting themselves on the back because they are trying to save the fat girl?! Guess it doesn't matter because I must want to be thin at all costs even if it means going down fighting the size of my waist into an early grave via pneumonia from low immune after fasting inappropriately.... As far as most of society goes I am 1/2 there and won't matter until I am a size 2. I won't be living a full life in their eyes until their "information" fixes me and I can throw a rigid jeans coming out party in a single digit. Their misinformation, their fear, prejudice, twisted well meaning comments can go well you know where..

Similar to control it is all an illusion. So don't be naive and think we KNOW it all. We have endless misinformation at our fingertips via internet. In this day and age we still argue about weight and what causes it.

STILL

If it were simply CICO success would be much more prevalent.

 For me… I trust no one and no eating “plan” , I reject rules. I am finding my way and if I end up 200lbs less fine, if I stay the same but feel better fine. But abusing myself because I am not a size 2 isn’t happening no matter what the fitness gurus want me to do. My life is NOT going to be about what shape I am not.. it is going to be MY life and what I can “DO”  within the years I have left, if I can help anyone, teach anyone, enhance something , then my time has been worthwhile.

Please just sit back and admit we don’t KNOW everything… misinformation is hurting people. Some of us just have to find our own way and turn our backs on popular thinking to survive. 

All sizism is prejudice from something many of us were once taught to be as a truth. It is fear based and comes from bought off studies , mis information, incomplete information and pure ignorance. One day the answers may come but until then many of us have to wait it out and deal with peoples attitudes because they will just never get it. Someday popular thinking & understanding of the human body regarding weight, Cushing's, Thyroidism, edema , digestion , gut bacteria , appetite regulation... etc will be more fully understood... And even then there will still

be more to learn. Information is never complete. Learning  never stops.

It's all about the shoes... When someone walks in yours the light bulb goes off , until then there is the finger wagging from many. All one can do is walk on and into their life! Can't wait for answers or miracles from people or science or diet gurus. We are here to learn from within , what resonates and what doesn't?! Pay attention to the little voice within you. Be it health issues or personal human kindness.

 My resting rant for today is…. Just use your head , be mindful and respectful of your body and everyone around you… Listen to your intuition. 

#cynipoeti #hormonalumbrella #weight #fatissues #weightissues #sizism #sizepositivity #blogging #bbw #bbwselfies #rants #plusfashion #plussized #opinions