Original poem Written last August 1st.

Title: Or Her ...

Photos in the sky

Scatter

Into the winds of yesterday

A world of opportunity lay flat

The diamond's are fakes under the glisten of the sun's intuition.

In the rainbow of another realm

Under the moon's gaze of insecurity

My wounds glimmer amongst the silvery scream of the stars

Every ray of light belongs to you

My apologies for not being her , or her , or her ...

Anyone... Anything .. But me.

The pulsing easily replaceable heart transcends nothing.

In the doe eyed silence.

Copyright 2020.

#originalpoetry , #poems

 Original poem by me.

WRITTEN = MON JULY 26TH 2021 .

TITLE: MUSEUM

Under the rain of shadow clouds

Imperfections of heaven

Laughing at her human

She watches her own lines falter

Beneath the metallics

X marks the spot of her replacements

The screaming of not good enough

Rose petals ignored are now eating her.

A rainbow sun straight underneath the,

youngster wishes that avoided suicidal endings

Lay at the high heels, his options in gold dust

She's face down in a monsoon

Broken bones under the vehicles of life

The lightning highlighted her homelessness.

He is her home

Naked feet don't dance in this rain.

They run until they carry her to the pedestal of blood pulp

The museum stairs showcasing how the 3rd party won.

The collection of slander

A showing of fear and how a straight line became so crooked it filled the celebrations with maggots.

Yet in the knowledge of her wounds she loved him

In her disease of truth he was forever inside her.

#originalpoetry , #poems

 There couldn't be more truth to this. I know it to be 100%-true but yet I still shy away from some things... mostly out of emotional exhaustion from bullies rather than low self esteem.

But this is body positivity... body neutrality to me. Seeing fat people in media isn't promoting diabetes it is saying these people are indeed humans like the rest of us and deserve respect. We all have a story... maybe one can argue that with weight issues it becomes visual so we can't make pretend our lives are flawless like others do.

I once got weight loss advice from a lady whom I later found out had an extreme eating disorder. Yet her in the cover of a magazine would be considered healthy and I would have been reprimanded for my appearance and shamed for what people assumed was my lifestyle. ( with no o evidence other than sizism and assumption mind you). She would have been " sexy" , I would have been " promoting obesity " .

So this is often why women will just give up doing what they want. Shame, fear, self hatred.

The backlash against fat people standing up for themselves is really a fear of them. We are out of control... and the haters don't like it.. we were their last safe prejudice. Some of us are activists.. many are seeing the light .. we are no longer "behaving" . And by behaving I don't mean forcing ourselves on diets that don't work to get the idealized body... but by choosing to wear a crop top or a swimsuit. Because the generations before us were shamed into the corner. We have been ignored , neglected , judged or cruelly made fun of.

The next time you want to judge someone for having thunder thighs .. ask yourself why... it's a pretty neutral thing. Ever stop and think one's distaste for " fat" people ( women especially) is a taught prejudice?! If one hasn't been told we were "gross" would you have ever even blinked at a 300lb lady on a beach?! Guess what she has a right to be with her kids in the fresh sea air too. She can take in the sun and enjoy the sand between her toes too. Thin priviledge is pretty ridiculous now.. maybe one of the reasons why so many are just getting sassy back.

Fat people shouldn't feel they need to limit who they are and miss their life because that is what is secretly expected of them.

So will I offend someone in a pool one day in a bikini.. hopefully. I am trying to get there... my anxiety and nerves take me away from my truth. And the truth is I matter no more or less but I do matter even though I am not a single digit dress size. And so do ALL others.

Smell the flowers, take the walk outside , buy that dress. Because in the end it is your life.

My fat crazy life may be an interesting book one day. I now see other people suffering my past and my inner knowledge screams no not again.

I am not promoting any lifestyle.. just like any average , thin , skinny," weight proportionate to height" person is not promoting anything by having a body. A magazine or business may have an agenda.. but us everyday folk we just want to have a happy life. A life without hesitation.

 Rows of beautiful trees surround the glittering cabin

Stamina shining from birthright religious cleansing

They glow and pile on their lipstick of fairy fantasy

Waving colorful flags for their turn

up the rainbow steps of glory

Behind the rock is a single flower

That leaves it all starving

The ribcage of not enough echoing within the forest

Its' stems are tied like hands in bondage 

against the blistering wind that comes in

Under the loudest 6 string blast of my silence

#originalpoetry #poems #poets #baddays #sadness #poem

I've been busy under lockdown creating. All are hand drawn or painted in acrylics. Planning on making an oracle deck too! :) Painting has been more challenging than drawing with sharpies. But it has all been a great ride. #oroginalart #art #artists #womenartists #faces #womenart #outsiderart #sharpies #acrylics. 
 

I feel that there is no escape. Being a big girl in this society is difficult. OK let us use the word "fat". Just get it out in the open. I have looked for support in various ways: plus sized events, fat activism, size positive publications, websites, nothing seems to help.

  I fit in nowhere. And when I read articles about other woman's road to self- acceptance I become envious. How do they do it? Is it just some delusion they are immersing themselves into or can I experience this too?

 Ideally I would like to march in a huge NAAFA parade, educate people and be the best fat activist I can be. And I think it’s the right thing to do. There is an endless list of injustices out there when it comes to weight, more so now than ever. And really it isn’t about the health. I hate when it gets painted up as a health issue.

 Late arrival for me, I am not there yet, I am angry, I can and will say things in defense of fat rights. I have my hot buttons. But I know I’d be a sell- out if I said “I am a fat activist”, after all the stuff I’ve had to deal with if someone said you can press this button and be a size 2 would you do it? I’d say yes. And knowing this shames me.

 This decision would not be made because I think a size 2 is superior it would merely stem from social laziness. A huge desire to simply “Left alone” .  It is exhausting being different, being different and fat….. I may have run out of steam.

Only time will tell. But at this late middle age I doubt it will sink in. I suspect old habits die hard for me. I can’t get over the hurdle of the looks, the shock, the pointing everywhere I go. The assumptions, the people who act supportive and then with their second face make me their own private giggle fest

 It’s not paranoia, I think people are just trained to hate on anyone considered overweight. For now I’ll try and go forward and try not to smash the cell phone belonging to the next moron that takes a picture of me as amusement as I walk by.

 Branches by Cyni Poeti copyright 1/20/2021

The bleeding is very adult in its' exposures

Running through this crowd of naked women

The abandoned suitcases of swamp water bled into

The winter trees slender of the emotions

She always possessed and suffered

Each thorn a bullet list to her heart

Dead leaves her crown of brown disease

A soulful excrement at the bottom of a forgotten list

His eyes witness a snowy glimmer and dance within the blue blustery wind 

In the perfection of false promises shaped like a "V"

Shiny moving pictures of flesh and drunken emptiness

24 "inches of acceptance vomit into her mouth

Waist cinchers of rejection screaming into her imperfections

The moon glistens it's secretive drama across frozen throats

Words in shadows that fade to nothing

#originalpoetry #poems #lovesucks #words #poem #poets #writing