I feel that there is no escape. Being a
big girl in this society is difficult. OK let us use the word "fat".
Just get it out in the open. I have looked for support in various ways: plus
sized events, fat activism, size positive publications, websites, nothing seems
to help.
I fit in nowhere. And when I read articles
about other woman's road to self- acceptance I become envious. How do they do
it? Is it just some delusion they are immersing themselves into or can I experience
this too?
Ideally I would like to march in a huge NAAFA
parade, educate people and be the best fat activist I can be. And I think it’s
the right thing to do. There is an endless list of injustices out there when it
comes to weight, more so now than ever. And really it isn’t about the health. I
hate when it gets painted up as a health issue.
Late arrival for me, I am not there yet, I am
angry, I can and will say things in defense of fat rights. I have my hot
buttons. But I know I’d be a sell- out if I said “I am a fat activist”,
after all the stuff I’ve had to deal with if someone said you can press this
button and be a size 2 would you do it? I’d say yes. And knowing this shames
me.
This decision would not be made because I
think a size 2 is superior it would merely stem from social laziness. A huge
desire to simply “Left alone” . It is
exhausting being different, being different and fat….. I may have run out of
steam.
Only time will tell.
But at this late middle age I doubt it will sink in. I suspect old habits die
hard for me. I can’t get over the hurdle of the looks, the shock, the pointing
everywhere I go. The assumptions, the people who act supportive and then with
their second face make me their own private giggle fest
It’s not paranoia, I think people are just
trained to hate on anyone considered overweight. For now I’ll try and go forward
and try not to smash the cell phone belonging to the next moron that takes a
picture of me as amusement as I walk by.
No comments:
Post a Comment