I've been busy under lockdown creating. All are hand drawn or painted in acrylics. Planning on making an oracle deck too! :) Painting has been more challenging than drawing with sharpies. But it has all been a great ride. #oroginalart #art #artists #womenartists #faces #womenart #outsiderart #sharpies #acrylics. 
 

I feel that there is no escape. Being a big girl in this society is difficult. OK let us use the word "fat". Just get it out in the open. I have looked for support in various ways: plus sized events, fat activism, size positive publications, websites, nothing seems to help.

  I fit in nowhere. And when I read articles about other woman's road to self- acceptance I become envious. How do they do it? Is it just some delusion they are immersing themselves into or can I experience this too?

 Ideally I would like to march in a huge NAAFA parade, educate people and be the best fat activist I can be. And I think it’s the right thing to do. There is an endless list of injustices out there when it comes to weight, more so now than ever. And really it isn’t about the health. I hate when it gets painted up as a health issue.

 Late arrival for me, I am not there yet, I am angry, I can and will say things in defense of fat rights. I have my hot buttons. But I know I’d be a sell- out if I said “I am a fat activist”, after all the stuff I’ve had to deal with if someone said you can press this button and be a size 2 would you do it? I’d say yes. And knowing this shames me.

 This decision would not be made because I think a size 2 is superior it would merely stem from social laziness. A huge desire to simply “Left alone” .  It is exhausting being different, being different and fat….. I may have run out of steam.

Only time will tell. But at this late middle age I doubt it will sink in. I suspect old habits die hard for me. I can’t get over the hurdle of the looks, the shock, the pointing everywhere I go. The assumptions, the people who act supportive and then with their second face make me their own private giggle fest

 It’s not paranoia, I think people are just trained to hate on anyone considered overweight. For now I’ll try and go forward and try not to smash the cell phone belonging to the next moron that takes a picture of me as amusement as I walk by.

 Branches by Cyni Poeti copyright 1/20/2021

The bleeding is very adult in its' exposures

Running through this crowd of naked women

The abandoned suitcases of swamp water bled into

The winter trees slender of the emotions

She always possessed and suffered

Each thorn a bullet list to her heart

Dead leaves her crown of brown disease

A soulful excrement at the bottom of a forgotten list

His eyes witness a snowy glimmer and dance within the blue blustery wind 

In the perfection of false promises shaped like a "V"

Shiny moving pictures of flesh and drunken emptiness

24 "inches of acceptance vomit into her mouth

Waist cinchers of rejection screaming into her imperfections

The moon glistens it's secretive drama across frozen throats

Words in shadows that fade to nothing

#originalpoetry #poems #lovesucks #words #poem #poets #writing