Clouds copyright Cyni Poeti 2019 

Her lips remain lonely

Lipstick the color of a mutilated heart

She lifts her fingers to her mouth

and smears the red war paint

Where his adoration should have landed

Only her childhood tainted clouds pushed the world away

White fleshy wounds with downward smiles

Humiliation is on her shoulder

Her eyes fall on magnificence

She watches others their limbs, heads , the perfection of flesh

Crocodile smiles , deaths dance

Wrapped in humor and intellect

Her throat has the dirty little secret

Of her filth

There are reasons why there is nothing

No adoration

Alone in the corner she painted for herself

In the exhaustion of life

Ripped open bleeding lips in front of emptiness

White walls of missed opportunities

Glare

She holds melting lipstick in her hands 

The wax pulp a carcass of what she needed

And never asked for.

 One thing I really hate is the accusatory statement "You did it to yourself "  concerning weight. Really?! I DO accept some of my personal weight as behavior however whether I worked out or ate right all these years I still would have been overweight. It wasn't a choice , it has been something I have fought for most of my life in some way!
I suppose some people can fall under a category of behavior only... and I do not say this in a judgemental way. I do acknowledge that some people have psychological issues that affect weight. Also some people simply have financial and or educational issues to contend with. Either way it was never a "choice" as insinuated.  Be it depression , disease , or genetics I assure you no one sits there and chooses it. There may be size activists after the fact choosing to live their life to the fullest despite ridicule ( my hero's!) but they still didnt choose to be the chubby kid etc.
 But I am talking about shaming people and blaming them for somehow "choosing" a body type other people don't approve of.  That it is a decision consciously made out of sloth. The popular opinion is that if you are fat you are (stereotyping comments here)  "lazy" " a pig" "eating too much" "sitting on the couch all day" .
 I have been alive for 48 years. I don't see anyone asking thin people how they got thin unless it is "super sexy gym type thin" .. For average people I don't hear anyone say "What did you do to be an average weight , or slender? "  " What caused this??!!!". No one looks for a cause to a size 10 or below in a females closet . However if you get to a size 16 or above then you did something to cause it and it's all your fault , you must be "fixed"! When people fall under the "fat" category the fear explodes. The masses need to "control it" and once they come up with reasons maybe it won't happen to them.  Example: ... "If I don't eat Doritos I won't get fat" , "I can control it, they can't"... type of thinking.  Simplistic cause and effect via small minds.
 So for average or slender people who don't have time (or inclination) for the gym are ok.  There is no "healthism" for them. Not everyone is choosing their pant size, it's just the size they are by nature. Because they look fine in a bathing suit via popular opinion. Because we are told they are healthy because they look a certain way.  ( This is nothing but control issues, fear of death). What if they aren't?! What if a young man has a huge tumor and no one bothers to look , because his belt size indicates a desirable health and appearance combo?!
For example two kids sit on a couch playing video games and eating popcorn .. the fat kid is considered to be "out of control" and choosing his " jelly rolls?! And the thin one is just playing video games and having a snack?! Doesn't anyone see how this is messed up?!
 So the mother has to explain to her kid that he isn't like the others and can't eat the popcorn if he wants to try to be thin?! How do you explain the science involved in weight issues ( more complicated than CICO folks!) to a teen who just wants to live in peace like everyone else?! How do you say anything that would not making him feel "different" or shamed? And why does this even have to be an issue?! Meanwhile the other thin teen never gets looked at by a doctor because he was assumed to be healthy. ( I have witnessed this type of scenario folks stories for another time).
 Yo Yo dieting will mak you much fatter than you ever would have been. Fact. If kids were left alone to be chubby they may not develop eating disorders and become "obese" adults. Bloody hell I hate that word "obese" .
Neither of them are choosing anything , they are just being kids.
 Until we really know 100% what causes the tendency to weigh more I think people just need to shut up.
Seriously , I have had it. I am 48 , I have a slow thyroid , PCOS , Hormones are especially wacky this summer. I gave up red meat and started eating chicken and salad, dumbest thing I ever did , I am so bloated I could float. I struggle not to get past a certain weight. I ask my doctor and it's "menopause" issues.  I guess I am "choosing" that too....
 Yes indeed! I am choosing menopause!  I just asked for the old lady fairy to switch up my hormones in the maddest possible way! Yup , that's me .. I  "AM" that powerful!  Can't you see my golden fairy dust?!?? I decide when my cells hold excessive water. I decide the forever changing shape of my face the next morning. Obviously being sarcastic here... But to make a point . Even with diuretics twice a day this summer I am holding water in my face and neck area for "whatever reason" ( menopause?!) .. do I have to explain this to friends and foe alike?! I look bigger because I am not menstruating now.. the water is "collecting" so I was told.. Does anyone even want to hear this?! NO! Heck I don't even want to hear it or think it. But since it's visual.. maybe I need to explain!?  People worry...  and point or comment...ugh... so no I am not worshipping the Twinkies Gods ok?!
  If I can't control these issues, who is to say anyone else can control anything their body does 100%?! We can nudge things a certain way. But we can't decide to make our health or weight to always be optimal. If we controlled half of the things that we are misguided to believe that we can control then no one would be dying of cancer or suffering from diseases. Period.
 So telling a fat person they "did it to themselves" is just as messed up as telling someone with the flu that  they made it happen.. if only they washed their hands more.. or had a better immune system.... Who knows why one person got the flu and another went all winter without so much as a tickle in their throats. It wasn't chosen. It just "was" . same with intelligence etc, sometimes it just is. I could go to college , but I will never be an academic, I am not wired that way.. I don't choose to be less intelligent , I do not have an automatic innate knowledge of many subjects.. it just is..
  Seriously folks who do this shaming need to check themselves. I am not saying people can't look at themselves realistically and gauge what is going on with their health or weight , (Behavior, eating habits , disease , side effects from Pharma etc). I am not advocating for idiot behavior and denial but I am just suggesting not to take on the blame of the world when the physical is "bigger" than what society thinks you should be. That's the lie! That's the shaming. Anyone can choose to eat healthier big or small , does not guarantee particular results. Be realistic , don't take on the weight of the world , eat healthy , move , and if it is a size 14 instead of a 10 then its OK... you aren't commiting a crime. Same for men too...
  I eat one meal a day with about 10 -12 hours of fasting in between due to my sleeplessness issues. I do not snack unless my blood sugar is low and then it is nuts or a clementine. I could allow myself to get depressed and easily snuggle up on the couch and make friends with a pint of Chunky Monkey but Ben and Jerry do not enter my freezer . So I am choosing not get bigger , attempting to maintain at this point. I don't rule out ever losing weight but I don't think it will be my "choice" , something will happen to shift it one way or another.
  If I could choose I wouldn't be this particular size, so please people do NOT tell me that I choose this or am doing it to myself. One week in my shoes and guaranteed these types would shut up for once.

 #fatactivism #bbw #fat #rants #essays #bbwbloggers #fatblog #nofatshamingallowed #sizism #angry #fatshaming #blaming #fatissues #weightissues

 I recently saw an online post where a woman was flabbergasted that her son fell for a 300-400lb woman. She could not wrap her head around the fact that her son was eventually going to sleep with this woman and there was a " How can anyone be attracted to that ?!" attitude.

 She wasn't kind, she wasn't open minded. In fact she was outright brutal. But she was honest.

 My personal view of myself runs from " I guess I am a cute cuddly panda bear" to "Holy crap I need to have less mirrors in this bedroom of mine ! I am a f*cking beast! " and just wanting to hide forever .. Either way the small jaunt to the shower proves interesting via it's reflection.

 However I know that regardless of weight I would still rip myself apart. I love when a woman sincerely owns it. I never got there, but I think they are right and I am wrong. Who is anyone to judge and assume anything. What gives anyone the right to say what is or is not attractive. The flesh is not the soul.

 I suppose men do this too when the hair starts to thin a bit... it's that disease of "popular opinion" , the marketing , the pressure. 

 The signs of "aging" or simply "falling from grace" are customarily wrapped up in tight skin, flat stomachs and perfect white teeth. In other words “youth” with some perfection mixed in. God forbid real life happens. And since we are living human beings, it will. Meds will affect us, insulin resistance, disease, trauma, stress it will come for us one after the other in due time. No one has a flawless life that affords them eternal beauty and health. Not even Cher, although she admittedly hit the gene pool jackpot. And I find it darkly hysterical that all these broken less than perfect people can always feel so confident in judging anyone of size. People who wouldn't pass their own expectations and demands... 

The expectations out there it turns on us all. If you let it….

 We are taught that looks mean so much. Many people fall for the idea of someone. They shun who could be a soulmate because their friends may not approve. Where does the obsession with looks leave us?! ALONE, or in less than relationships we never quite feel comfortable admitting. How many people "settle" or put up with a lot because they don't want to be alone?!

 So maybe this guy just saw a beautiful soul and woman and her 400lbs figure meant nothing to him. What if he listened to his mother ?! Would he end up marrying some trophy wife and divorced 5 years later taken down a few pegs?! Just to please a standard?!

 I can only hope this 400lb lady has a strong backbone and can find something to enjoy about her mother in law. How this man’s mother can only see fat instead of someone who makes her sons life better is beyond me and sad. But it happens, I haven’t been anything but a “weight” to many since the late 80’s. 

#sizeactivism #bbw #plussizebloggers #Motherinlaws #weightissues #sizism #fat #blogs #writing #cynipoeti 

Something about a good scarf. This one was affordable with a mermaid pendant and had free shipping. But most of all it is purple. I tie dyed the dress myself got the dress on clearance from Roaman's a few years ago in a pale gray and decided to dress it up hippie style. So this outfit is a nod to my hippie side and love of purple. So hot this summer I have not been sporting too many outfits. Most days are running around in my undies truth be told.. LOL #bbw #plussizefashions #scarves #fashionblogger #bbwblogger #mermaidscarves #mermaids #purple

So thrilled Walmart sells my size now! :) #Walmart #affordablefashions #bbw #bbwselfies

I have always been a pear shaped girl. Small on top and big on the bottom... I guess my face looks small for someone my size ..  my butt more than makes up for it. :P #BBW #lanebryant #lanebryantfashions #plussizes #leopardprints #leopardprintdresses #savers #thrifts #plusfashion

As someone who has traipsed malls in the 80s and 90s to find that one store that carried my size I find this article disgusting . Anyone who frowns upon plus size mannequins is wrong.. Dead wrong.
 Why did I have to go through 3 floors of retail offerings to find that one store that carried my size?! Was my body shape not profitable enough?! Did someone assume I was a bad example of gluttony via the stereotype express? Was society simply telling me to go somewhere else that I didn't exist on their scale. ( pun not intended).
 Whatever the actual reason was .. I got the message... I wasn't the "norm" I wasn't "desired" . The men weren't chasing me down , it was presumed I'd never buy lipstick and bags of lingerie. I wasn't targeted for marketing. Fat people apparently had no style or money back then in their eyes. All I knew was that my section was hidden in the back of a store as if I were societies dirty little secret and embarrassment. The silver racks boasted floral prints and A line sacks in polyester blends that I am pretty sure made my Grandma cry once or twice... well at least cringe.
 Fast forward to today.  Some companies may indeed see this as an opportunity to branch out and be size positive , many are probably just jumping on the bandwagon.  These days many people are simply bigger than they used to be. I won't get into "why" here but now there are "enough" of us to be figured into marketing and finances in retail situations. In 2019 there is now no denying there is a "Plus Size" market.
 So I am thrilled that a 20 year old lady can walk into Nike and see something besides one body shape. I spent my 20's being told " We don't carry your size" by retail clerks in a condescending way. So this is a victory. This 20 year old doesn't have to hold her thin friends things looking at a size 2 mannequin knowing nothing in the store reaches out to her while her friend tries on 10 outfits. This is a silent emotional abuse. Simply put these subtle messages cause damage. This plus size mannequin is saying you have some worth.
 One reason why bigger people don't have optimal health in SOME cases is others attitudes towards them. Some of us hide , we avoid the doctors , we avoid the public and we avoid the gym (not because of  the stereotyped reasons either!!). No one wants to be made fun or bullied all the time , it's a drag.
  A girl doesn't need to be humiliated for wearing spandex ,  shorts , or tank tops. It takes courage to enter a gym when you aren't one of the "cute" tiny ones. Trust me I know from experience. My life has been a slap in the face of knowing what people secretly whisper... I am well trained in the "look at that" poking , giggling corner of the world.
 We are all equal , just different. Hard to believe in this day and age we are still fighting some of these battles. No one is perfectly healthy , NO ONE. So to pin point any group of people by appearance is short sighted.
 Size acceptance is not promoting obesity. Who in the world is going to say to themselves "Wow,  I want that Nike top!!" " Oh no,  but it's only in a size 2x maybe I need to up my carbs?!?! ".  Nobody , but there is a much higher chance of someone needing it in their size will say " Yes! Finally something comfortable to walk the dog in"  . And they can then have what they need with a good feeling about exercise all instead of leaving the store in tears of frustration. Exercise should be something you fit into your schedule to feel better , not a punishment for not being a certain body size.
Wouldn't it be great if us Plus Sized women all got into our Nike Sports clothes and made a racket?! Let our thighs rub together and sing the song of freedom all over the neighborhood walking our dogs. Let the clothing work for us for once. Tell the world we have had enough all the while unaplogetically wearing form fitting spandex!

https://www.dazeddigital.com/beauty/body/article/44807/1/nike-mannequins-telegraph-obese

#sizeacceptance #sizism #fat #fatacceptance #equality #bbw #BBWblogger #NIKE #telegraph #womensissues #plussizes #exercise #clothing #plusfashions